the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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