; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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