Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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