This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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