im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think a kid would responsible me up
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
