do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
