hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
