i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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