Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
