I just made out with a guy for $7.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
