and you said cock pushups were impossible
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
