i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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