Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
