Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
