weddingsv make me drug and hornr
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
