my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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