There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
