Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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