Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
