I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
