she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
