he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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