my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
