this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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