That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
