What a fucking waste of an outfit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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