also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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