Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
