Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
