Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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