Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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