My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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