a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
