he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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