I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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