Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
