she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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