dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
