Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
