And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
