my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
