Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
