Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
