the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
