once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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