The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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