my mouth tastes like poor choices
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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