Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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