Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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