I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
