You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
kristin has been a bad kristin
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
