I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
