My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
