He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had sex on a roof
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
