After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
