very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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