I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
