also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
be right there i have to get my cape
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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