The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
