Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
