just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
