Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
high people should be assigned attendants
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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