4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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