you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
